This was really hard for me to write. I have spent so long not being me that actually I had forgotten who the real me was. I was so busy being a mum, wife and housekeeper that I lost my identity! I suppressed it so far down inside myself, that I was running on autopilot.
With being so busy, all the time, social occasions were few and far between and even then I usually had a child, or was worrying about a child!
During the process of my recovery, I started to look back at who I was before I became Mum!
I had my first child at 22, and suffered with severe postnatal depression afterwards, and before that I was always quite a shy person, so was never really into the 'social scene'.
I thought this was always a bad thing, that this made me 'different', and so I never really wanted to be me!
After working on my limiting beliefs, journaling and through meditation I started to become more confident in myself. I was excited to start spending time on hobbies and interests that I loved. Now I know that hobbies aren't your personality, but it was the start of loving myself and enjoying time that wasn't focused on someone else. It wasn't selfish, it was making me a better person. Over time, I started to feel more happy in myself, I was excited to express myself.
I looked back, at what I used to love doing, what made me happy. Then combined those with what I wanted to be doing in the future. Who I wanted to be, where I wanted my life to go!
We all want to live a stress free life right, in a castle, with no more housework and a live in chef! Well although thats the ultimate dream, actually just the stress free life would be great right now.
I want to be in control, happy with my choices, working from home and be able to give my kids the childhood they deserve. They have had to cope with so much, and they are so amazing. I want to be able to treat them, not spoil, just treat! I want to be able to treat myself. I don't at the moment because it would take money from the housekeeping pot, and the kids come first.
I want to live in a house with land, so that my chickens can free range, and have their own little house to live in.
I would love to have a walled garden (protected from the chickens) and be able to grow my own vegetables and flowers (to bring into the house). Spend time with the kids, playing outside and free running, climbing trees and building forts.
I want to be able to take time away from the hustle and bustle of life, have days out, small holidays, and space to keep my head clear. Focus on myself and my family.
I have my dream of owning a care farm, I want to be able to live on the land, surrounded by animals, wake up to hear them outside.
My dreams will come true, I just need to work hard, and patiently!